Team Seagal Tire R&D Report

Contrary to some opinions that the MRC is merely a sidepocket entity of the NECS (which is wholly owned by Team Seagal), that organizes rides for those with superior state of mind, we are also a translation division, that try our best to keep you appraised of the latest developments to ensure a superior ride. Our special source, yes the same one that has brought you some of these choice interviews, has gotten his hairy paws on this fine piece of R&D from our parent Corporation. Team Seagal has unleashed it's entire brain trust in a massive R&D program to educate the layman on just what choices one has in the rubber department - not this kind of rubber

but this kind of rubber -

Spearheading the effort is Nobel Prize winner and esteemed University of St. Louis tenured professor, Casey "Coach" Ryback. And here, for your reading and educational pleasure is Coach's master thesis - 

If you like to dork-out over some tire tech our Team Seagal test team (Scooter, Cockpunchor, Stove and Ttocs tested a shitload of tires over controlled conditions and rated them based on the results. I found some of the results very surprising, while some other results reinforced my already-held beliefs.

One not-very-surprising result that I noticed, was that the Crank Brothers tire with the cool anodization just fell apart and had to be warrantied after two test-runs.

The Campagnolo tire, regarded as the most beautiful tire, seemed to develop a better, more-supple, worn-in feel as the test went on - and it was also the only tire to have a user-replaceable bead and tread.

The Thomson Masterpiece tire showed absolutely no wear whatsoever, with the test-rider Friedrich noting that he expected that tire to outlast several wheels and frames.

The newcomer to the market, the Rivendell tire, a gumwall, was the only tire to actually utilize full steel-belting, despite weighing 13 pounds per tire. But as Grant Peterson said, "Steel is the only real material," and that only those racers on carbon race bikes need tires with cotton or nylon casings. The Rivendell tire was also the only tire to make it all the way to the "AR-15 rifle" stage of the puncture-resistance test, however the results are somewhat skewed as it is only available in a 650b size and therefore doesn't compare equally to the 700c size of the rest of the test tires. Mr. Peterson, in response to complaints about the extra weight of the steel belting, said he would consider producing a tires with a wool or even a tweed casing.

Cervelo's tire was unable to be tested, as it was delivered with severe cracking due to premature dry-rot, thus rendering it unsafe to ride.

The tire from Cannondale showcased a revolutionary and proprietary design that utilized a series of integrated needle bearings all around the tread, and actually surpassed all other tires in rolling resistance, however it only worked on Cannondale-branded rims, and the process to change the tire proved to be needlessly complex, requiring a proprietary tools and a Cannondale dealer to do the work.

Quintana Roo's tire seemed to provide better performance in wet conditions, specifically if those wet conditions were as a result of puddles of urine - so for the QR test, they set the test track up in the men's urine-trough at the nearby ballpark.

Neither the THM or Cipollini tires were able to be tested. We couldn't afford to get a hold of the THM tires for the test, and testers all agreed that they weren't cool enough to even get close to the Cipollini tires